body break

for a quick hit of aerobic fitness, why not try some jumping jacks while you microwave some butter flavour popcorn? with 3 1/2 minutes of improved cardiovascular health under your belt, you earned that trans fat.

last minute cramming

ellen video diaries you are so funny. ellen bought a practice podium! now I just hope her next segment is about bipolar disorder. or perhaps psychosis in the elderly. pharmacology?

real original, susur lee

from susur's latest writeup in TOLife:

"dry ice billows from under a pre-desert of lychee sorbet, jamaican sorrel and rhubarb-raspberry jam"

what is this, fat duck circa 2004? dry ice, honestly.

big problems ahead

1) I have clinical methods on st. david's day. I like to wear my green welsh dragon tie on st. david's day, but it is an ironic tie. I cannot very easily show up to the doctor's office in costume, yet I am loathe to forgo the tie as I seem to recall I forgot to wear it last year. perhaps I could wear it under a sweater? I fear that might dilute the effect. wear it over a sweater? might blow the doctor's mind. what to do?

oh yeah also
2) psychiatry exam
3) genitourinary exam

oscar report

tobey maguire please present yourself to the nearest barber for an emergency de-perving.

meryl streep which women's studies professor did you beat up and steal that jewellery from?

philip seymour hoffman maybe try not to fall asleep in a ditch next time before you have to present.

medical school you were just joking when you said there was an exam tomorrow morning, right?

the salesman said it matched my distressed tobacco etagere

from restoration hardware's early spring 2007 catalogue:


"come in, juanita, come in. this is lady who lunches to juanita, please come in. I have no idea how this cleaning business works. I bought this housecleaning apron at restoration hardware but it did not seem to include instructions for use. my potato scrubber keeps leaving streaks on the windows. good thing they included a walkie talkie pouch so I could radio for help. I am in the second floor library, please come immediately! lady who lunches, over and out.

p.s. I already misted the room with my cucumber mint room spray, so you don't have to worry about that."

not a word of the day

postvention

taxman

my sister recently told me about a surgeon in toronto with some very freshly buffed man nails. I wonder if that kind of thing is tax deductible. you know, business expense? all that hand washing dries out the skin, so surely the occasional sports manicure is in order. too bad my barberspa closed. oh well, friday afternoons at stillwater it is. mimosas on the feds!

the fridge stinks

there is so much aroma coming from our fridge right now. even the magnetic seal of the fridge door is powerless to contain the stench. the pungent fumes fill the entire kitchen, let alone the fridge itself, let alone the deli drawer where lives the source of this heady perfume.

you see, this morning, upon finishing my exam, I trekked up to loblaws in order to sate mila's need for bacon. browsing the case of quebec cheeses, as I am wont to do, I saw none other than the 2006 canadian cheese grand prix winner (overall and washed rind), la sauvagine. indeed, if you hurry there may still be a small wedge left.

for those interested, I also procured some bleu benedictin, a quebecois blue apparently made by monks (though I see no mention of cheese making between matins and eucharist. perhaps they do it on their day off). this creamy blue walked away with top honours in the 2000 canadian cheese grand prix, as well as taking the prize for top blue, of course. tasting notes to come. finally, a goat's milk from the makers of la sauvagine - chevre d'art. my experience with this cheese during my lunchtime tasting was less than thrilling, though I will give it another try. I am not optimistic. tellingly, I see no cheese awards on this dud's cv.

kidney kwotes

"interestingly, a minority of cases of membranous nephropathy in adults occur in association with carcinomas"

perhaps by interestingly you mean wow this is boring. time for a carb break.

ontario mulls incandescent bulb ban

okay this is a joke, right? those compact fluorescent bulbs produce an unacceptable light and they are simply too unsightly for exposed uses. dalton, I know that with your point collars and insipid tie knots you do not appreciate the ramifications of this ban, but please reconsider. or perhaps I could apply for some sort of exemption, because I was kind of planning on one of these should I become rich:



that is so hot. I am sorry, government of ontario, do you think that would be nearly as hot with 85 compact fluorescent bulbs? no it would not, it would be an atrocious mess of energy efficiency.

I guess I will just have to start hoarding incandescent bulbs. and then I can cash in on the inevitable black market.

my most luxe experience of the week

earlier this morning I took a few kleenex from their home in the bathroom, and I rested them on the arm of my studying chair in case I needed one later. well fast forward a few minutes, and my kleenex had fallen onto the baseboard heater. fast forward another few minutes: needing a facial tissue, I looked to the arm of my studying chair, where the kleenex no longer were. fortunately I quickly spotted the misplaced tissues on the heater and I immediately applied one to my nose. what pure luxury! oh sinful delight! pleasure of pleasures! if I were a celebrity, let me tell you there would be someone in my entourage charged with maintaining a constant supply of warmed kleenex for me.

call me cicero

I wonder if should start using c with a bar over it instead of a w. I like how the c respects the latin and people will probably think I am some sort of scholar of the antiquities because I am using a c with a bar to mean 'with' and 'with' does not even have a 'c' in it. though I hope it does not seem too affected if I switch abbreviations just so that I seem more academic. I will probably keep the change on the down-low and then people will think that I have always been using the c bar, because that is just what comes naturally to a scholar such as myself.

suddenly it seems to be 9 pm

I hope they ask me about the internet on my exams, because I would ace those questions. maybe some short answer? favourite food blog: discuss. oh I would ace that so much.

1920 smackdown

dear harvey grace,

I really enjoyed your treatise on the organ works of bach (Grace, H. The Organ Works of Bach: The Weimar Period. The Musical Times 61(929):450-3, 1920.). my two favourite passages:

"bach makes such passages almost sufficiently interesting to redeem a branch of art which has been more piteously discredited than any in its whole range, save and except the operatic aria." oh that is so scathing. you just slammed bach and arias at the same time I think.

"but a pedal solo that does not set any loose window-panes rattling is a thing of naught." I hear you, harvey grace. nobody likes an organist cheap with the stops. give us 11, organist. harvey grace said so.

thanks harv, looking forward to reading more of your work in the future,
simon

I am actually studying

I have got to stop reading about tmj disorders. it is giving me some killer jaw pain. also perhaps I will have to return to my orthodontist because I cannot figure out how my bite is supposed to be. I keep trying to distract myself and then suddenly close my teeth together, hoping they will assume their natural position. but then I realize I am testing my bite so I panic at the last moment and everything ends up funny and my jaw still hurts.

the disease of kings

I hope I get gout someday.

341 grams

my lunch tomorrow weighs exactly 341 grams. I know this, because mila arrived as I was in the process of filling tupperwares with our lunches, and she was not confident that I was performing an equitable division of the fried rice. so to appease her, the lunches had to be weighed on our digital scale, and adjusted grain by grain until we had equal lunches.

remarkably, mila raised this equity issue in spite of the fact that she is supposed to be on the "2/3 program." you see, most dinners around here end with mila curled up on the floor complaining that her belly is too full, and to never let her eat so much again. but then the next night she inevitably ends up on the floor in the same fetal position. so she finally decided that, given her diminutive size, she should only take 2/3 as much food as I do. unfortunately, as demonstrated by our lunches, this has not been her most successful resolution to date.

chocolate tasting notes: el rey 'mijao'

with beans from the carenero region on the east coast of venezuela, venezuelan chocolatier el rey has crafted a mild 61% eating chocolate. an attractive, if not mirror-like finish out of the package, this single origin bar breaks open with a subdued crack. released is a robust bouquet of hardwood and vanilla. up front, deep brown notes play against raspberry, fading away into a modest finish of unsalted butter. smooth and fat in the mouth, though with less complexity and character than one expects in a single origin offering. perhaps the bucare, the same bar without the added cocoa butter, will reveal a bit more of these well-pedigreed beans.

cindersimon

an EV reader recently brought it to my attention that the thrilling saga of the front hall mopping was never brought to a conclusion. I probably did not have time to post the conclusion, because I was busy. busy mopping the front hall.

bamboo update

imitating a recent visitor's search for "snooty waiter," an EV archive page popped up in google. on that page was a brief missive about my bamboo. well just to let you know, the bamboo had not been doing so hot lately. even the bonus third bamboo shoot that I had bought to keep the original two bamboos company was not looking so great. having withdrawn the bamboo to the furthest corner of the living room (since my experiments involving increased sunshine had merely scorched the leaves) there was nothing left to be done to rescue these wilted stalks. so I threw them down the garbage chute.

unluxurious weekend

weekend mornings around here involve a certain routine. namely, mila wakes up and carpes the diem, while simon sleeps in. I feel that sleeping in is in fact more productive than getting up and seizing the day, since sleep is good for the brain. I figure that after I finally get up, I will be able to do everything twice as quickly. mila feels that I am lazy.

anyway, even though mila usually makes her own weekend breakfasts (I refuse to eat her unique brand of savoury omelettes and breakfast sandwiches) she seems to feel that my presence is required as she prepares her breakfast. for this reason, as soon as mila gets hungry on the weekends, she comes in and wakes me up. I instituted a no-touching and no-talking policy, but mila managed to circumvent that directive: I awoke recently to the cool breeze arising from my robe as it was vigorously aired out, and to the blaring of our answering machine (which lives on my bedside table). surprisingly, none of the saved messages needed to be dealt with at that ungodly early weekend hour. furthermore, I cannot say that my robe felt that much fluffier when I donned it a few minutes later.

so with this routine in mind, this past weekend before going to bed I made a fresh batch of cranberry scones, hoping that they might appease mila's voracious hunger in the morning.

well the scones were delicious, but apparently insufficient to sustain mila until I awoke. maybe mila should take a page out of my book and try a few cookies in the morning to take the edge off that nocturnal hypoglycaemia. I highly recommend it.

watch it, technology

great. some statistics program that I recently installed decided to change the icon of my spider saved game file. now instead of a spider it looks like a graph. it had better not mess with tripeaks or that statistics program will get uninstalled so fast.

walkerton

I am thinking of going to walkerton for a while next year. do they still have e. coli or anything? not to toot my own horn, but now that I mention it I kind of feel that I have a rather robust gi system. so it is probably okay if they still have a touch of e. coli, I would not really mind. on the other hand, I see walkerton does not even have a bus station. so I am somewhat concerned that it will be a bit small. perhaps mila in her capacity as condo pres could contact the mayor for me and enquire as to what services and recreation are offered by the town of walkerton. mila and the mayor could meet and discuss matters of leadership and administration while wearing their presidential/mayoral sashes, as I can only imagine that the mayor of walkerton wears one of those things, and I know for a fact that mila will when she gets elected. she has also informed me that she will require some manner of convertible so that she may drive about our parking lot waving at her constituents and generally basking in their adoration.

old people

as the next school year comes closer and closer, we are having to make a seemingly endless number of choices about what we want to do. so far they have not asked me if I want to do a rotation as medical sommelier at splendido, but I am sure it is just a matter of time. "ah, sir may I suggest the foie torchon for its antioxidant properties?" "madam, for a nice detox, I would be terribly remiss if I failed to recommend the seared foie."

anyway, most recent in this string of decisions is whether or not we wish to spend two weeks with old people. I am talking nursing homes and diapers here. or so I imagine. whatever it is: old people for two weeks? pass.

mila, on the other hand, is having a somewhat more difficult time deciding. so far she has determined that old people smell, but she also feels that the old people may enjoy her particular brand of puppet theatrics. any advice, I am sure, would be appreciated.

hooked on statistics

p.s. statistical test that best epitomizes simon: manova.

posture tip of the day

quick tip, because I have to go read more about statistical tests on the internet, or maybe study. but probably internet. or maybe I will just watch nip/tuck.

anyway, I have been looking to improve my posture for the past few days, so I have been holding my shoulders back and trying to keep my back straight. so far I think I may have acquired some upper back pain, but that is okay, maybe I can bilk some health insurer for massages. anyway it is hard to remember to keep your back straight all the time. so today when I was putting on a tie (green with pink polka dots - yes, a repeat mention on EV) I decided to leave it a whisper longer than I would generally prefer. thus if I assumed my normal posture, the tie would hang far too low for my liking. however, with my new improved posture, the tip of the blade was just where I wanted it. needless to say, this sartorial reminder is a small stroke of genius, so I do not mind if anyone else who shares a passion for posture and ties wants to copy it.

culinary staples

where does one buy lamb tongue in london? quail eggs? wild boar? how is a guy supposed to survive here?

friendly note

hi exams,
I have kind of got a lot of movies to watch. volver is not going to watch itself, you know. also tv does not stop just because I have exams, fyi. did you know that ellen is hosting the oscars? yeah well she is. kind of would like to watch, hear some funny jokes, see some oscar styles. just letting you know.
talk to you soon,
simon

p.s. it is cool if I do not study for you, right? because I am kind of busy trying to find a mail order cheese store. thanks, I knew you would understand. lates!

postal news

I forgot yesterday to tell of my exciting day of postal deliveries:

usually our post man is kind of lazy. whenever we have a package, he puts one of those canada post cards in our mailbox, instructing us to go to the nearby post office. he does not bother to call up and see if we are home to accept our package. now, I complain, but this is not entirely a bad thing, since the post office is near winners so I can go browse for decanters and frying pans and ties and such. regardless, it would still be nice if the postman would buzz up to tell us we had a package.

anyway, yesterday our postman appeared to suffer a fit of energy, perhaps on account of it being the first day of a new month. or perhaps it was with relief at not having to deliver scores of holiday packages that our postman rang up to us. either way, the postman walked all the way to our abode on the second floor with package in hand. actually he took the elevator, I saw him exiting from it, but that is okay, I take the elevator too. anyway, he brought me my package which was a rather splendid anatomy textbook that I had ordered from chapters only a few days prior. so that was a pretty great start to the afternoon.

I say a great start to the afternoon, for indeed, there was more: knowing the postman had been, I went down to check our mailbox. upon entering the mailroom, I immediately noticed that our box was positively bulging with an unmarked brown envelope. janzen! my christmas shirt from mila had arrived. upon reaching the second floor, I started running down our hall to show mila my shirt. but then our condo president appeared and so feeling that I should show at least a modicum of decorum, I slowed my run to a brisk walk and stopped shrieking. somehow I do not think mr. big-shot-on-suburban-condo-board would have appreciated the beauty of a made-to-measure shirt.

foyer standoff

backstory: being winter, every time we come home, we bring a little puddle of dirty snow with us. this means that the front hall of our home is covered in dried patches of snow dirt.

a few weeks ago: mila was bored one day, and so asked for some suggestions for things to do. I suggested she mop the front hall.

present day: the front hall has still not been mopped. when asked about it, mila replied that she saw no point in mopping the front hall since it would just get dirty again. she is planning on mopping once winter is over.

apparently this same logic applies to the bathroom. simon's recent thorough scrubbing of the shower tiles, as well as his exacting house-wide windex work have not been matched with the requested bathroom counter wipe nor the vim-ing of the faucets. frustrated by the unsanitary conditions of our bathroom, I was forced to wipe some stray dust off the counter with a kleenex just to allow myself to stand there and brush my teeth. mila noticed this, and thanked me for attending to her tasks.

somehow I feel that our standards are not quite in line here. it seems as though I am aiming somewhere in the vicinity of clean, while mila seems to have set the bar at, to quote an elder, wretched squalor.