MICROFIBRE?!

SCENE: the bay, menswear.

WIFE, overbearingly: "don? don? don, where are you? oh there you are - come over here, don. no, just put those down and come here. what are you looking at? shirts? what are you looking at shirts for? don? why are you looking at shirts? who are those shirts for, don?"

HUSBAND, meekly: "um, for me?"

WIFE: "don what do you need a shirt for? put those down and come over here. see? we're almost at the front of the line. now put those away and come here!"

HUSBAND: "they're microfibre..."

WIFE, to don et every other person within 50 feet: "MICROFIBRE!? MICROFIBRE! that is the best! oh wow that is great! microfibre! wears great, washes great, no ironing... microfibre! that is the best material you can get for a shirt! look at that shirt! bring that over here, don! microfibre!"

later, by way of explanation as WIFE donned her reading glasses, better to read over my shoulder with: "oh, once I walked into a glass wall and broke my nose, haven't been able to see since."

and then as WIFE read my scratch and save over my shoulder: "THIRTY PERCENT!? WOW! you should buy the whole store!"
"oh, actually that is the lowest you can get," I replied.
"thirty percent! once I bought some pillowcases, must have been $80 each, and then I took them on vacation and I swear I lost one of them. never saw it again."

and only moments later as WIFE scratched her own scratch and save: "HEY! I got thirty percent too! hurray!"
"oh, sorry you didn't get the 50%" I said consolingly.
"DON! THIRTY PERCENT!"

finally came time to pay. her enormous wallet was failing to yield her bay card:
"what about my sears card? can I just use that? I know I have my bay card in here somewhere, but can I just give you my sears card for now?"

WHERE DO THESE PEOPLE COME FROM?