the november tragedy

one of the best days in the shopping year is november the 1st. much to my delight, retailers all over the country celebrate this day with price slashing on a wide range of products. from miniature chocolate bars to little bags of gummies to tiny bags of potato chips (worst halloween treat in the world, fyi. nobody wants that stuff), grocery stores and other purveyors of food-related products aggressively slash their prices on these halloween treats. the price wars are vicious, yet they are so sweet.

so you can understand that I was somewhat excited to hit loblaws yesterday. visions of a cart full of candy filled my mind. also visions of hemorrhoids because yesterday we had the long-anticipated anal and perianal disease lecture. wow there is some gross stuff going on down there.

anyways, so I pull into loblaws, giddy with anticipation. it appears they had replaced the entryway halloween display with christmas. that is okay, they probably just moved the halloween to the back somewhere, no worries. so after suffering through the produce section we finally got to the back of the store where I expected to see piles of candy. nope, just vacuum-packed chickens and reduced price pork ribs. still, no reason to panic. they probably moved all the halloween stuff to the snack aisle or something. but even after passing through every aisle in the store, our cart was still devoid of halloween candy.

the cashier suggested they might have run out of halloween candy. since this seemed a rather outlandish suggestion given that halloween was only 3 days past, I was pleased when the cashier eagerly paged the dry goods manager. no halloween candy in the entire store, said the dry goods manager. THIS IS SO UNACCEPTABLE. BOB RUNDLE, MANAGER OF OUR LOBLAWS, WHY DID YOU NOT ORDER ENOUGH HALLOWEEN CANDY? I HAVE SEEN YOU IN REAL LIFE AND YOU ARE NOT VERY TALL. I suggest you scrounge up some candy from the back room or I will egg your store next time I am there. I will not even have to buy the eggs, I will just grab them from your display case. YOU ARE GOING DOWN, SHORTY.