letter to the editor
on saturday I like to do the cryptic crossword in the globe. it is made by my highschool math teacher, so that is pretty cool. do not be jealous of my connections, I just roll in different circles, that is all. anyway, next to the crossword is a column by warren clements. now I say it is by him but he does not actually write it. he just writes a word challenge of some sort, some 'literary' game, and then tout le simple minded canada writes in with their stupefyingly unfunny answers. and again, I say he writes a word challenge, but in fact he merely prints a word challenge submitted by one of his simple readers. so I do not really know what warren adds to this column, other than his creepy mug which looks disturbingly like william h. macy, but in a bad way. william h. macy's geeky brother, perhaps. and all of this is a shame, because I think warren clements actually likes words and does write a sweet etymology column in the weekday globe sometimes.
for instance, warren clements this saturday published some reruns from august (I hope he did not get paid for this) when he asked for readers to suggest "instances of extreme caution." some sample responses to this witless question:
"he wore safety goggles to eat grapefruit". that is rather sensible, as grapefruit spray can be quite aggressive. furthermore, and more importantly, it is not in the least funny.
"he had his car towed to the garage when it reached the 'service at' mileage." okay dude, maybe if you had taken your car in a few miles before you got to the 30k you would not be in this predicament. you have no one to blame but yourself, and you are even less funny than safety goggles up there.
"she never drove anywhere without first testing the airbags." yeah, because motor vehicle accidents are like comedy on wheels. air bags save lives, warren. try not to be such a jerk next time.
in conclusion, warren clements, that weak attempt at a comedy smirk in your picture does not make your column funny. I will also have you know that I sometimes draw a moustache on you while I work on the adjacent puzzle. it is a good thing your challenge is never "suggest a columnist on the back page of the books section who is not funny" because I would smoke you so hard.
8 comments:
she wore kneepads when playing on the slide.
also, i would say that i have sweeter connections to SIMF since he did make a clue about me in 2001(1 across = Mila redesigned Peru's capital). don't be jealous.
Mila, that is a pretty sweet clue. I bet if you told Alison Mackay about that she would be impressed - she occasionally does the SIMF crossword in the middle of the night when she can't sleep and is a big fan.
My dad, on the other hand simon, would not be impressed by your assessment of Warren since he ALWAYS READS WARREN ALOUD AT THE BREAKFAST TABLE! it is excruciating, and extremely not funny. Rosie and I have a Globe subscription here, and I am happy to report that we never do that, although we do enjoy reading each other our horoscope and also the names of the babies in the baby announcements.
Re: airbags. A car is not a toy. It's a bomb on wheels (especially in Iraq, where it actually is a bomb on wheels).
This reinforces my aversion to the cryptic because 1) it is across such a horrible column and 2) it prevents work from being done around my house. I wish we could ban that page from the Globe though I suppose it does provide amusement to some sorts. Also, Mila, what was the answer to your clue.
I should have said "it is across from such a horrible column"
the answer is Lima
bronwen, do you read out the bad names (shiloh, suri, sutton) or ones that you would actually use (garfield, mr. bigglesworth...)?
ps, i jest. your nephews' names are both on my personal list!
we read out all the names without editing, although we do make fun of the weird ones. there was a little girl last week names davis, a sister for kensington (also female). what were they thinking?
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