stuck at research day

the number of powerpoint slides today is surpassed only by the number of bad suits.

p.s. zzzzzz

OMG RIP

WHEN WAS SOMEONE GOING TO TELL ME THAT METROPOLITAN HOME HAS CEASED PUBLICATION? as usual for these manner of crises, I am left needing larger capital letters to convey my EXTREME DISPLEASURE.

p.s. just finished season one of the wire. mild hangover. nothing that a few episodes from season two can't cure, though.

next time we come I am packing the tizios

our educational pursuits have temporarily brought us to saint john. that is all fine, and I am blending in and starting to talk like the locals (that is not even a joke), but our hospital-provided residence leaves something to be desired. coffee table books are being procured at a furious rate and flowers have been strategically placed, yet the accommodations retain a certain brick-circa-1992 aesthetic. an emergency spiegelau acquisition has improved mealtimes somewhat, and the on-trend felt placemats are similarly doing their best to perk up the surroundings. in the end, however, the castoff hospital furniture simply cannot be overpowered by a superficial fluffing; perhaps I should place a work order for a reupholstering of our couch in a nice barbara barry fabric or some such.

I seriously need to be a waiter

from an instruction manual at a newly opened restaurant in NYC:

"standardize plateau drop technique"

WHAT IS THAT TECHNIQUE? HOW DO I LEARN IT?

asking the tough questions

we are going to a lebanese easter dinner. so I went to the local purveyor of fine wine and asked the clerk what she would recommend for a lebanese easter dinner. the usually knowledgeable merchant stared confusedly at me:

"um... so does that mean spicy?"
"don't know. it will involve ham."
"spicy ham?"

we settled on her favourite merlot and called it a day.

academy ennui

sat through the oscars on sunday. the set was awesome and I really liked how they zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

from an extern at jean georges

via the atlantic: "One recipe I prepped—during the one week when I graduated from peeling vegetables—called for 26 grams of salt. 26. Who am I to judge? Maybe one gram of salt is the difference between three Michelin stars and two." PLEASE SIGN ME UP FOR THAT.

sob story

that new tim hortons commercial with the guy buying winter coats for his immigrating family? maybe I cried a lot when I saw it. and maybe again when I rewatched it on the pvr. and maybe I cried when I saw him buying coats in reverse while it was rewinding. OR MAYBE I DID NOT CRY AT ALL.

thank god for fast forward

what was with the ceremony's ez-listening oh canada? as much as it pains me to say this, why didn't they just send celine her requisite dumptruck of cash and get her to belt it out?

also nice that they got the village people to perform omg I am going to get in so much trouble for that one. seriously though, one guy is wearing a fur vest over what looks distinctly like a waxed chest.

opening ceremony review

why did no one tell me they moved the games from vancouver to podunksville?

THIS JUST IN

BILL CLINTON PLAYS A LOT OF GOLF AND WOULD NOT CUT BACK ON GOLF EVEN THOUGH HE HAD A HEART ATTACK MAYBE HE IS A GOLFAHOLIC. I NEED BIGGER CAPS OMGGGGG must turn off cnn.

what not to say

said stacey: "well I just LOVE that... that... I don't even know what to call it! a shrug?" it is a bolero. "a little wrap?" bolero. "it's like a little cardigan!" bolero. "SHRUGIGAN!"

IT IS A BOLERO. I HATE BOLEROS AND I HATE STACEY LONDON.

gtg. rumour has it that hilary might have dawdled at work before going to visit post-cardiac stent clinton. AND SHE DID NOT EVEN SEEM VERY WORRIED. OMG. BACK TO YOU SANJAY GUPTA TO EXPLAIN WHAT A CARDIAC STENT IS FOR THE ONE MILLIONTH TIME. also can we also please get another talking head in here to tell us about how bill has been in haiti and HAITI IS REALLY EXHAUSTING.

i hope the fbi does not read my blog

the airport rent-a-cop just told me that my suit bag exceeded the terrorist-thwarting carry-on limit. so she made me stuff my suit-bomb into my little suitcase and now it is going to be all wrinkled. THE TERRORISTS HAVE WON.

p.s. this post is going to get me into so much trouble with mila. I am always getting chastised for shouting about security theatre and the like while standing in line. something about I am going to end up with a full cavity search or something if I do not be quiet.

justin bieber

thanks a lot, usher. really, thanks. if I have any of your songs on my ipod I am going to delete them and also I am going to seriously consider deleting that recording I have on my blackberry of mila performing "love in this club, pt. II".

under-salted

so it would seem mayor bloomberg is trying to cut salt consumption by 25%. I hope that does not translate into a six salt limit with the foie at per se. WHAT WOULD I DO WITH ONLY SIX TYPES OF SALT?

p.s. good news: dinner, which had previously been booked for 10pm, has been moved to 9. perhaps there is a chance we will make it out on the same day we started the meal? hahaha JOKES.

sunday superlative

most lamps per square foot: ev hq. just bought another one. table lamp. huge. it could take on two regular table lamps without breaking a sweat.

where is my beret

going to an artist's house soon. leaving in less than half an hour and I do not have an appropriate outfit. for instance, how do I wear a fashion scarf if I also need a real scarf to guard against the elements (which, I note, are currently described as "freezing drizzle")? I do not have any vintage t's - should I just go solid black? or should I wear a real shirt? in that case, how far would an artist unbutton it? and footwear - sneakers? what am I even going for: the working-in-the-studio-with-mild-paint-spattering artist or more of the gallery-opening artist? NOT SURE.

nyc reservation imbroglio

hi if you are friends with thomas keller or david chang or even daniel boulud please contact me asap. DANIEL SHOVED ME INTO SOME PRETHEATER 5:45 B&T SEATING. I NEED SOME STRINGS PULLED HERE.

some beeping deal

according to the hospital, our pagers are worth some $500. unclear if this is mentioned by way of warning against losing them, or if this is supposed to be some high-value perk. either way, YOU CAN BUY AN IPHONE FOR LESS THAN $500. and you can probably watch the jersey shore on that. all a pager does is beep.

alanis would have understood

I went to shoppers drug mart this afternoon. bought some swedish berries and some toothpaste. pointed out to the cashier that it was rather ironic, really, to be buying swedish berries and toothpaste. she smiled and asked if I had an optimum card.