self improvement

I am currently working on improving my gait. you might not think it is so hard to walk with a foreign gait, but it is actually really hard. so now I am utterly exhausted from my walk up to the local lcbo, which is not even that far away. I do think I made some good progress though, with lots more movement through the torso, a nice straight back, and a relaxed swing at the hips and knees. If spies had been trailing me I would have lost them so easily because of my newly unrecognizable gait.

saxophone blues

does anyone take the saxophone seriously? sure, there's coltrane and parker and getz, but then you've got kenny g and the opening to the bill cosby show.

mila loves documentaries

mila, do not worry, ron howard's apollo documentary, "in the shadow of the moon," is coming to london soon. I hear the remastered nasa footage is spectacular. I wonder how it will compare to that fascinating enron documentary you had the pleasure of seeing with me a few years ago.

anyway gtg, private practice is starting.

pharmaceutical phakery

dear patient,

when you said you were taking a blue octagonal pill and I spent what felt like hours looking up what turned out to be a purple pentagonal pill, I was not that angry because really octagons and pentagons are not so different and purple and blue are certainly easily confused.

but then when you later told me you actually stopped taking that pill months ago I would be lying if I said I did not have a strong urge to change your meal preferences to "ramadan" because I'll bet your day-long fast would make you think twice about falsifying medical information next time.

condo coup

lately the condo corp has been seriously cracking down on illicit use of visitor parking spaces. I am talking tow truck serious. rumour has it that the condo prez is out there every morning, brutally imposing his regime of parking terror: goose-stepping about the parking lot with clipboard in hand, taking note of offenders and affixing over-sized warning notes to their windshields.

well I have it on good authority that two of the worst offenders are in fact board members themselves. surely they cannot be too pleased about this over-vigilant enforcing of condo rules. I smell insurgency. can you say parking putsch?

sos

dear keys,
where are you? I need to go to work. you are not helping matters.
facebook, you are not exactly helping either.
love, simon

shirting the issue

I spent the latter part of this evening ironing a shirt, while mila spent it hunched over a textbook in her office. I seriously hope this is indicative of our future life. well, not so much ironing, as I hate doing that. and actually I am guessing that mila is not loving reading about the extensor tendons of the hand. so really more along the lines of me enjoying shirts while mila works hard to finance them I guess. pretty much I just want a lot of well-pressed shirts.

new rules

it is with regret that the administration must announce a ban on sean kingston being played in the kitchen during meal preparation times. it has been found that mila is unable to focus on her meal preparation duties with the distracting influence of kingston's infectious reggae-pop beats.

it is with significantly less regret that the administration must also announce a ban on mila dancing ever again.

the pilgrims did not build this country on lies, you know

loblaws woman, if there was an ad for festive gourds in last week's flyer, and then I ask you where the gourds are, and then if you tell me that you do not have any gourds yet, but then I find the gourds right next to the red peppers, I will not only think you are a big liar, but also really lazy.

candy corn

I think I just got a cavity.

international relations

I placed my shirt order last thursday and am somewhat concerned (to say the least) since I have not yet received confirmation from my hong kong tailor. well, I thought, there was a weekend in there, so maybe the friendly gentleman who sends out the emails was simply away from his desk for a couple days. but what if china does not even have weekends? or maybe they have weekends on tuesday and wednesday. do they even have tuesdays and wednesdays? seven day weeks? who knows!? I sure do not. yet another gaping chasm in my knowledge of the world, it would appear.

hospital review

so I had to stay over at the hospital for the first time last night. all in all it was okay, I guess, but I could not find the complimentary aveda beauty products anywhere, and the minibar was woefully understocked.

hungry hungry simon

simon what have you done? those snacks were supposed to last you until 8am tomorrow but now you have nothing left but a bag of carrots and it is only 2pm and you did not even want carrots, mila just made you take them because of something about vitamins or scurvy or something.

cookie monster

every time I am at the grocery store buying cookies (i.e. every time I am at the grocery store) I briefly contemplate getting a bag of oreos. but then I become concerned that I may not like them, and so I put them back and pick up a bag of peanut butter cookies or some chocolate chip cookies. actually I would probably get the peanut butter and the chocolate chip. you can never have too many cookies. but what if I actually love oreos? I really cannot remember if I like them or not. oh god my life is so full of stress.

today at the hospital

one patient complimented me on my glasses, while another really liked my shoes, so that's pretty sweet I guess.

p.s. I am at the psychiatric hospital but that is fine, those two patients were both almost lucid.

p.p.s. I am mildly miffed that no one mentioned how nicely the trim on my socks matched my shirt.

tied up

apparently ties are a bit of a no-no around the psychiatric hospital, on account of strangling and what not. but with the already precarious fashion conditions around here, surely they cannot ban neckties. perhaps I could sign some sort of neck safety waiver and have my tie privileges reinstated?

regardless, I fully intend to get at least one wear out of my new pink linen tie before the season becomes too late for such a fabric. really stick it to the man, as they say.

p.s. it has some silk in it too, so it is really quite supple and wrinkle-free, not to worry.

I hate eastwood & kirby

morning radio is the worst radio.

I need a cure

medicine is sucking the passion out of me. lately, I have just been wandering clothing stores aimlessly, finding nothing at all to excite me. "that's kind of sweet," I would think of a jewel blue merino cardigan. but then I would think "why bother? really, the medical community would be quite happy if I just wore a short sleeved button down with the same chunky black oxfords every day." I think french cuffs just confuse them, and they never want to discuss the relative merits of the four fold vs. the seven fold tie. in a desperate last-ditch effort to cure this sartorial malaise, I am attempting to order some MTM shirts from my HK tailor. but this style-sapping school goes on to throw copious salt in the fashion wound, keeping me in dreary lecture halls for such protracted hours that I have not even had time to place my order. I may have to take a personal leave to attend to this issue. just a few days for my personal health, really. nip it in the bud, you know. before it gets too serious and I start wearing non-ironic plaids.

p.s. I thought an extra-strength dose was in order, so I opted for a contrast collar and cuffs on the pink herringbone number.

nomenclature

more accurate, though perhaps less marketable, names for colgate "kiss me mint" toothpaste:

"nauseate me mint"
"toxic mint"
"make me gag mint"
"fluoride rinse mint"
"stay away from me mint"
"disgusting"

debate

regarding the cooler evenings of late:

con:
pending winter
being cold
waking up in the pitch black soon
memories of snow

pro:
refreshing
blazers
imminent christmas carols

bltec

dear blog,
did I ever tell you that I finally ate one of those thomas keller sandwiches I was blogging about? it is his favourite sandwich, but he gave it to adam sandler to use in spanglish. it is really just a blt, but then you add a fried egg and a slice of cheese. the trick is to keep the egg yolk right in the sweet spot of not so runny that it drips off your sandwich and wastes all that cholesterol, but not so solid that you miss out on the almost sauce-like property of the egg. anyway, it was really delicious. I would make one tomorrow, but I think mila has somehow let us run out of bacon. her ear infection must be really bad, because she is usually pretty good at maintaining the bacon stores. oh yeah, I forgot to tell you, mila has an ear infection. it is like living with a toddler around here.

well, bye for now, blog. I am off to cut my hair. I just got a new pair of scissors, so I am pretty pumped to give them a try.
later!
simon