sartorial stress

after a close call earlier today I realized I am kind of living on the edge and I do not really like it. these styling green hospital pants that I wear close with a drawstring. while this does allow me to easily adjust depending on the state of my torso (you know, loosen up for those 4-pack days, and cinch it right in when I slim down into my 6-pack) there are some major downsides. like what if I really have to go to the bathroom sometime and the drawstring gets in a knot? sometimes this almost happens but so far it has just been extra-tight bow-related false alarms. but I am petrified that one time it will be a real knot and let me tell you this is not an elastic drawstring here. they need quick release emergency ejection toggles or something C TM R PATENT PENDING.