girl hair products

hold on to your homburgs everyone, simon is back with more of his hard hitting investigative journalism.

girl hair products are a sham. I am not afraid to say that. I am prepared to have vidal sassoon knocking on my door tomorrow armed with comb and scissors. I will take him on. I have been doing at least 15 pushups a day, so I am fairly confident I can handle him. actually, I skip pushups a lot of days because they are quite exhausting, but I am fairly consistent with my jumping jacks, and those are really a more extensive workout than pushups I am pretty sure. my rippling physique aside, I think I actually heard once that vidal sassoon was a bit of a hooligan in his youth. hooligan, as in trouble, not as in a jolly soccer hooligan. we are talking serious punk, gangs, secret handshakes, probably a unique system of identification based on the roll of a trouser leg. as I think about this more, there is the possibility that this vidal as punk was merely a joke in some comic, evidently trying to procure laughs from the outrageous dissonance between haute hair and street youth.

well, vidal, listen up. I concede that shampoo and conditioner are legit. I can tell if I have not washed my hair, so clearly shampoo is a real thing. I can also tell if I have put conditioner in, because my hair feels sleek and shiny, so I will give conditioner a pass too. every other hair product? not a real thing. bottles of water. maybe scented water, at best. I do not believe that heat protector, hair detoxifier, intensive treatment, volumizer, curl relaxer, curl enhancer, reviving spray, or scalp revitalizer are real products. I am sorry. actually, I am not sorry, that is just one of those things people say when they are actually not at all sorry. I am fairly confident that I could fill all those bottles with water and no one would notice. hold on, they already are just water. AQUA IS JUST WATER! do not be duped.

p.s. guys, I am not talking gels and hairsprays here, relax. you can use hairspray as glue, so it is quite clearly on the up and up. I am a vigilante for truth, not for crazy.