conversations with bureaucracy

"hi, can I get you to fax someone my medical records, please?" enquired simon.

"I am sorry, we are not just going to fax medical records around. how do I even know who you are? you could be anyone. maybe you are who you say you are. maybe you are some other person who wants your medical records. how do I even know? I don't know. so you are going to have to send written authorization to the office."

"but what if I am just some other person trying to get my medical records? couldn't I just fax you a letter? you still wouldn't know it was me."

"okay, perhaps you don't understand. you PERSONALLY are going to have to send written authorization, not someone else."

"that's what I'm saying though. what if I were someone else pretending to be me? couldn't I do it just as easily in a letter as I could on the phone?"

"let me explain. we require documentation FROM YOU saying we can release your records. it needs to be a letter FROM YOU. and it needs to have your student number on it."

"can I just read you my student number on the phone?"

"sir, that is not how it works. you are going to have to send us written authorization. this is an official procedure."

"really, it's just for my immunization history, it's not anything secret. what if I gave you my health card number too?"

"sir, I am not interested in the nature of your request. you can include your health card number in the letter. with your student number. and your name. do you have any other questions?"