speaking of VERY VERY URGENT

gold bourgie lamp on big sale. quantities limited. I really need one. gift idea!

extreme importance

presented in chronological order, the subject lines of threatening emails I have received from the electives office concerning some delinquent forms:

important
important!
urgent
last chance
URGENT
URGENT!
VERY URGENT
VERY VERY URGENT

new city, new scrubs

elastic waist scrub pants:
decreased fashion
increased convenience

achievable goals

I would like to start making greater use of female pronouns to refer to inanimate objects.

p.s. got a wedding suit on the weekend. she's a beaut.
p.p.s. also learned a new way to tie my scarf.

modern linguistics

some new french phrases I learned from my francophone patients today:

"le parking lot"
"je suis getting outta here"
"super relaxed"

cardinal sins

in eric ripert's recently published tome on nyc's le bernardin, maitre d' ben chekroun presents his list of the 129 cardinal sins of service. or rather, 129 reasons I want to wait tables at a michelin starred joint. a trinity of choice sins:

55. not having total focus when at the table.
74. not moving with the speed of the room.
90. using poor grammar when addressing a guest.

can someone just hire me please? I WOULD NEVER DO THOSE THINGS. I WOULD ALWAYS HAVE TOTAL FOCUS.

I am so easy to live with

so I sent some of my residency application essays to mila for her review. but then I got her comments back and was kind of up in her grill about them. this hissy fit may have been in part due to a reactive hypoglycemia following my crispy crunch binge, but I cannot help but feel that part of it was me being incredulous at getting criticism from someone who does not even have a blog.

xmas xpirit

I am pounding back peppermint nog lattes like they are candy (I am also pounding back leftover halloween candy like it is candy. don't let me down, metabolism) and having a christmas dance party in my office. I HAVE SO MUCH CHRISTMAS SPIRIT CAN I PLEASE DROP OUT OF SCHOOL AND HANG OUT AT WILLIAMS SONOMA AND INDIGO UNTIL CHRISTMAS?

conversations with bureaucracy

"hi, can I get you to fax someone my medical records, please?" enquired simon.

"I am sorry, we are not just going to fax medical records around. how do I even know who you are? you could be anyone. maybe you are who you say you are. maybe you are some other person who wants your medical records. how do I even know? I don't know. so you are going to have to send written authorization to the office."

"but what if I am just some other person trying to get my medical records? couldn't I just fax you a letter? you still wouldn't know it was me."

"okay, perhaps you don't understand. you PERSONALLY are going to have to send written authorization, not someone else."

"that's what I'm saying though. what if I were someone else pretending to be me? couldn't I do it just as easily in a letter as I could on the phone?"

"let me explain. we require documentation FROM YOU saying we can release your records. it needs to be a letter FROM YOU. and it needs to have your student number on it."

"can I just read you my student number on the phone?"

"sir, that is not how it works. you are going to have to send us written authorization. this is an official procedure."

"really, it's just for my immunization history, it's not anything secret. what if I gave you my health card number too?"

"sir, I am not interested in the nature of your request. you can include your health card number in the letter. with your student number. and your name. do you have any other questions?"

facing the facts

to the patient's sister-in-law who was offering suggestions today regarding surgical exposures for the midface fracture: thanks. really appreciated the advice. also really enjoyed hanging around while you told us about your friend who had some cuts in her face and they were so bad at first but now it has almost been two years since she got injured and you can really barely see the scars and she was using organic mint oil so maybe we should think about using that after surgery on your sister-in-law because really you cannot see the scars anymore and is that the same scar you would get after a facelift because no one is getting younger here so maybe we should do a facelift at the same time that we fix her facial fractures just joking but seriously your other friend got a facelift and she looks five years younger but she had a blood clot after surgery so maybe we should check what blood type the patient is in case she gets a blood clot and if she needs blood you would be happy to donate some but you need to know what blood type she is.