dispatches from a small town: IV

there is a farm nearby that sells animal fats. I wonder if they carry goose fat. horse? I could really go for a pound or two of horse fat.

dispatches from a small town: III

could someone please direct me to the hospital photo id retakes department?

dispatches from a small town: II

pro:
food network and hgtv at the apartment here in wingham.

con:
wingham.

dispatches from a small town: I

omg I was totally inside an amish person's house today.

the answer to "how did you sleep?" is not "leviticus"

if my delusional patient had read me one more passage from the bible before I fled the psychiatric hospital last week, I swear I would have had to start a jihad on him or something.

mila I do not believe you for a second

"I pretty much knew all along about dumbledore."

more morning radio

if the morning host from cbc radio 2's 'music and company' mentions his non-contact hockey team one more time, I will be personally forced to body-check some sense into him. in fact, if I hear another mind-numbing tale about his perpetually-losing 'vultures,' I might have to set fire to the cbc hq.

for good measure I would probably throw some classical guitars into the blazing inferno.

where do patients come up with this stuff?

"we're going to get us a guard donkey"

hockey update

I am informed that they are in fact watching soccer. my mistake.

needless to say, there is no in-room plasma

to the people in the lounge watching hockey right now: how about you check the scores online and let me watch ramsay's kitchen nightmares instead. why are you watching hockey anyways? don't you have work to do?

how am I supposed to read martha stewart living without a bedside lamp?

housekeeeping, my voice message of last week was decidedly unambiguous, and yet the light bulb in the call room has still not been replaced. it is bad enough that you once again forgot to leave me a terrycloth robe, but surely it is not too much to ask for you to attend to a burnt-out light bulb. talk about health care cutbacks.

most insulting thing I have heard all week

waitress: "... and it is served with foie gras. do you know what foie gras is?"

happy birthday mila

mila suggests that everyone go check out the globe, books section, page D18.

p.s. I am talking about the crossword half of page D18. do not check out the warren clements half. it is particularly banal this week.

I can barely breathe

kkkkhhhhhhh charlie trotter's 20th anniversary: tetsuya wakuda, ferran adria, thomas keller, pierre herme, heston blumenthal and daniel boulud hhhkkkkhhhhhh I have never seen so many top chefs in one place hhhhkkkhhhhh I think I am choking on michelin stars.

best thing I have read all week

Damrosch surreptitiously kept an eye out for women who might be pregnant through observation: "The salmon cornet usually gave it away because most pregnant American women are deathly afraid of anything raw. Immediately we sent them a cornet made with tomato confit and eggplant caviar."

I could not make this stuff up

I am really glad that I switched my blue cufflinks out for the gold ones this morning. I think my patient, who aquired a british accent overnight on account of the british cocaine that a local gang slipped into his tea, really appreciated it.