santa claus
mila has been writing some replies to children who wrote letters to santa. I have been trying to help, but she never seems to like my suggestions. some of the rejects:
dear jake,
I believe the homonym you are looking for is 'write'. christmas has a 't'. also, please review the rules regarding sentence fragments and comma splices. finally, your use of contractions in a formal letter is grossly unprofessional.
try harder next year,
santa
dear julie,
a pony? are you kidding? how does some coal sound instead!?
dream on,
santa
dear adam,
your drawing is amateur at best.
you insult my sensibilities,
santa
5 comments:
dear simon,
you are definiely on my naughty list.
maybe i will bring you a heart this year.
hohoho,
santa
Mila, how did you manage to be deputized by Santa? It's so sweet!
Simon, I suspect that Santa's lack of "sensibilities" is one source of his continued staying power. Remember, Ebeneezer Scrooge also disliked comma splices, and look what happened to him!
luke are you advocating in favour of comma splices? because that's what it sounds like to me. I thought you had standards.
mila's gig came about through an extensive network of connections, and only after an exhaustive screening process. very involved. I have probably said too much already.
my cousin's sister-in law's boss has a friend who used to date rudolph's vet. plus, the elves think i'm hot so they put in a good word for me.
Simon, I think I am advocating for both good grammar and good feeling. You wouldn't want to spend all of eternity with singing padlocks strapped to your chest like in "A Muppet Christmas Carol" or something, would you?
Mila, I thought all elves were gay? Those little pointy hats certainly don't scream hetero.
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