monitored buttering

tonight we made risotto. after mila cooked the bacon, she threw in the mushrooms. I felt they absorbed a bit too much of the fat so I quickly tossed in a modest hunk of butter before adding the arborio.

what did mila say to that? surely a pat on the back for saving the risotto. perhaps a congratulatory remark for ensuring adequate fat in which to saute the rice. maybe even mad props for being so cognizant of the awesome powers of butter, and not being afraid of harnessing those awesome powers

well mila said none of those things. instead she exclaimed that I had added an obscene amount of butter. it was 1, maybe 1 1/2 tablespoons, tops. "what are you doing!?" exclaimed my co-chef.

"you have reached new lows, adding butter to bacon," said mila. this is not the kind of response I expected when I grabbed that stick of butter. there is one appropriate response to adding more butter to a dish, and that response is "keep it coming."

no, mila did not approve. instead she said that if I do not mend my ways she will have to enrol me in monitored slicing. I will not be allowed to slice off chunks of butter without supervision. well, mila, I am the man of the house and I will butter my risotto as much as I please. if I am sauteing some cauliflower, I will answer to no woman when throwing some milk fat into the pan. as I finish a pan sauce with a dab or two of butter, I may just make it three if that is how I feel, no matter what my female co-chef says. I am man, hear me roar.