down by the bay
last weekend, or maybe the weekend before depending on how you slice it, I was at the bay doing some christmas shopping. needless to say, I have never been overwhelmed with the hudson bay company, but my sensibilities were twice offended during that visit, offended so much so that these transgressions simply must be shared.
first infringement on better taste: ye olde christmase carolers. I am all in favour of christmas carols. I am a big fan of the festive spirit. simon's fingers have been twinkling out nothing but hackneyed seasonal tunes of late. but a quartet of singers dressed in victorian era winter garb walking around singing a victorian remix of jingle bells is both depressing and uncomfortable. just pipe some tunes over the speaker system like everyone else does.
second infringement on better taste: on the way out, passing through the men's wear, I saw the perfect emerald green velvet quaffing blazer. so I tried it on. seeing no mirrors in the vicinity, I foolishly asked a passing bay employee where I might find the nearest mirror. well, clearly this man had nothing better to do, because after showing me the mirror, he proceeded to hover over me offering his thoughts on style.
let me interrupt to explain that he was possibly the biggest square I had ever seen. I really cannot overstate how dull and insipid this man looked. I almost fell asleep just looking at him. he was painful. but as I tried on the blazer in a size which, granted, was a shade smaller than a traditional fit, but just right for quaffing wear, he decided to give his input. "I think you're going to find that size a bit tight. very uncomfortable. you're going to have to get the next size up." well, hbc employee with the boring hair and hbc vest, you are a big square. I do not want your style advice. in fact, I am offended that you gave me style advice. furthermore, if I wanted comfort I would be wearing a caftan. hbc man, you are lucky I kept my zingers to myself because I would have devastated you with my razor wit.
4 comments:
Simon,
There is nothing I detest more than the Christmas carols that department stores, grocery stores, and even kitchen stores blast during the season. They are disgustingly cheery and generally "remixed." Often, I find, it is Mariah crooning the awful tunes.
I wish they would play Christmas songs that were more serene - hymns, chorals, perhaps some instrumentals. Listening to 10 renditions of "Jingle Bell Rock" makes me want to punch Rudolph in the nose.
In conclusion, less Xmas, more Jesus.
thanks for obliging with the new post Simon!
1. The carolers were nice, and a nice change from piped in music. And they had good voices.
2. The blazer you wanted to get was too tight. You would have burst a few button. I agreed with the "square" as you call him. I do agree that he was a bit dull but I am sure that he is a very nice person, and he was very helpful and polite.
Simon, I agree with your mother. Paid gigs for classically-trained singers are pretty thin on the ground these days - any singer worth their salt would be happy to throw on a piece of erzatz-Victorian chintze for a couple of hours, especially inside! Please support our Canadian arts professionals - though I agree that a Victorian acapella version of "Jingle Bells" would be abhorent to me if it weren't so difficult to actually visualize.
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