grocery list cliche

reading through design magazines, one will find a number of constants in the photos. fresh flowers, always. bowls of perfect fruit here and there, of course. burning candles, perhaps an open bottle of wine, a kettle on the stove, and so on. for kitchen shots, a shopping list scrawled on a chalk board is not an uncommon sight. but I have decided, through extensive research, that these lists are not the actual shopping lists of their owners. no, they are all the same, written in the same impeccably casual hand, full of the same grocery list cliches.

I am on to them. the 10 point scheme:

1. eggs - you always have to start with an innocuous kitchen staple. eggs are a safe bet.
2. spring mix - good idea to throw in some veg at this point. you may prefix this item with organic, depends on the flavour the article is going for.
3. figs - some fruit. let everyone know you are getting your five-to-ten. but nothing common. apples are decidedly bourgeois.
4. fresh goat cheese - one can never go wrong with a cheese in the clean-up position here. try to give it the semblance of artisanality, but in reality this product will be sold at loblaws
5. bottled water - some prefer sparkling here, but the pyramid of san pellegrino on the counter usually tips off the reader that you are already well stocked.
6. limes - you will need something to squeeze into your water, not to mention those drinks you will be mixing off the bar cart that was a steal at $299 from crate and barrel. lemons are okay here, but limes will push you into the big leagues.
7. thyme - the people who live in this house are too beautiful for dried herbs, says this entry.
8. basil - better throw in a second herb here. you really do not want people thinking you used dried.
9. soy milk - now this is a little bit of a gray area. I would suggest saving this for the eclectic boho-chic kitchen. careful mixing this with the built-in subzero.
10. rack of lamb - up until now we have not seen any meats. we do not want anyone thinking we are some kind of wimp, so we need to get something red and bloody in here. try not to go wild, though, lamb is quite heavy duty enough. beef is overkill, so play it safe with the softer image of lamb.

of course this list needs tweaking depending on the kitchen. you will notice there were no even vaguely asian products listed, so clearly this would not work for a loft. a few minor changes, though, and you are good to go.

anyway, design magazines, you have not tricked me, not this time.