disheartening realization
over the years I have mentioned how I hope some day to be a waiter. you may have even read about it on the august pages of exquisite vanity. not just any waiter, of course. I do not want to be slinging all you can eat shrimp at red lobster. I have no desire to bus tables at some nouvelle-chinoise fusion joint (THAT IS RIGHT SUSUR, I DROP IT JUST LIKE THAT). no, my dream is to enter the field as a regular waiter (or a captain, I am really not picky) at a temple of gastronomy where service could only be described as immaculate and inspiring. having said this, I have come to the realization that it is never going to happen. like actually, 100%, I will never be able to wait tables. next summer is already spoken for, and from then on I will never have summer vacation. not that I would want to work anywhere that would hire temporary summer help, but you get the idea.
anyway, this has prompted me to compile a list of things that I will never be able to say or do:
place a pillow of scented air in front of a guest.
"how are you feeling about this course so far?"
refresh a guest's brioche midway through the course so that they may have a ready supply of warm toast.
coordinate washroom breaks with a guest and the kitchen so that the 24-course tasting may go smoothly.
"chef suggests you start with the terrine, but then punctuate with the riesling sorbet before moving onto the seared preparation."
refill the sparkling, nail a jaunty pirouette, then hit the spiegelau with the pinot.
coo "happy birthday, sir" into an unsuspecting guest's ear.
disheartening, indeed.
6 comments:
This will probably prompt an angry invective from that anonymous naysayer.
you can refresh my brioche as much as you want.
oops, i forgot that your mum reads this.
thanks, mila.
and thanks everyone for noticing the kelly kwan reference in the last two lines of my waiter list. kelly, if you are reading this, you are too good for susur. I could see the embarrassment in your face as dishes went missing and cloches were left on the table like little statuettes of mediocrity. I noticed the shame fire through you as the butter lay with its paper lid still on, as though I was expected to remove it myself. you could not hide the look of disgrace as you came to fill glasses left empty by the rest of your team. you deserve better, kelly. call yannick. I think he might enjoy your spunk, and I know he would enjoy your passion. it's not too late to get out.
Kelly Kwan probably garners more in tips and bonuses at Susur than he would at Splendido. Just saying - those folks at Susur know how to rush your party through a meal, allowing for two sittings (I mean, restricting tasting menus to 5 courses on a Saturday or Friday? Unbelievable). Never had that experience at Splendido. Perhaps Mssr. Kwan, passionate as he is, also has a passion for moolah.
I am shocked!
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