cereal the breakfast product, not the grain

of everything in the grocery store I think that breakfast cereal is the hardest thing to choose. I stand for minutes just staring at the endless wall of cardboard boxes. I have come up with a number of solutions to rectify this problem:

one: ikea-style cereal shopping. the wall of cereal is simply too large. I cannot fit all the varieties in my field of vision. this means I have to pace the cereal aisle to take it all in. clearly this is not efficient. instead, they should just have one box of each cereal in a little display area, with a sticker telling you where to find the rest of your selected breakfast.

two: periodic table of cereals. I propose a left to right organization based on sweetness, and a top to bottom setup based on milk stability. this way I can dial in on my desired sweetness and the amount of milk stability I require. then I can kind of just browse in my little cereal sweet spot and not waste time with cereals that do not meet my criteria.

three: still working on the periodic theme here: group knockoff brands in a little callout box like they have for all those sketchy chemicals like praseodymium (dubious) and gadolinium (not an element) and ytterbium (yeah sure thing that sounds like a real word, nice try scientists). so this way you do not have to waste time skimming over rice crispies AND crispy puffs of rice. if you decide you want corn flakes you can browse the corn flake callout box and stop wasting my time with multiple versions of a cereal that I do not even want.

p.s. I bought president’s choice blue menu soy crunch multi-grain cereal. mila made fun of me because it sounds kind of ridiculous. and I confess I am not a soy person. more I am a 6 gingersnaps and a chocolate chip cookie for breakfast kind of person. anyway, it is a pretty good cereal, and it has like three hundred grams of soy protein which is good for my bulking up program I guess. MY BICEPS ARE HUGE.