the birds

I am currently trying to enjoy a little bit of wi-fi freedom out here in the back yard. that is sweet, internetting and working on a sweet tan simultaneously. well, my body is under an awning, so really just my feet are kind of getting tanned if I stretch them out really far. but that actually works out rather well because I do not like putting tanning lotion on my feet, what with all the tendons and bones and stuff going on. I used to have big fat cabbage patch feet when I was a baby, or so I am told, and that would probably be great for rubbing tanning lotion on. I would have had a sweet foot tan back then if I had been possessed of the fine motor skills required to manipulate a bottle of bronzer. p.s. I do not actually use self tanner, that would be outrageous, where do you come up with that garbage anyway?

back to the wi-fi freedom. I am trying to relax out here, but all I see are the stupid birds alighting on the bird feeder, putting their little beaks in the bird seed, then twitching spastically, throwing seed everywhere. why can they not behave like civilized birds and nibble on some seeds and not make a big mess and waste bird seed everywhere? do not even get me started on the bird bath. it is just one big fiasco.